Harmful conditions

Being with someone who hurts you can be both frightening and confusing. Many people also find it hard to leave. You may have been taught that jealousy is romantic - but it's really a way of controlling another person. Violence and love never go together.

Get help

Being with someone who hurts you

Having various forms of violence in your everyday life can make you feel very bad, especially if the abuser is someone who also says they like or love you.

For example, your boyfriend or partner wanting to see what you're doing on your mobile, checking who you're hanging out with or asking you to stop wearing certain clothes can take a toll on your self-esteem. These things are different types of violence. It's common for guys to abuse girls in a relationship. But there is also similar violence in same-sex relationships and in relationships where people do not identify within the two-sex norm. 

Often, different types of violence are interconnected and the violence that is visible is not always the one that hurts the soul the most and leaves the deepest mark. The violence that cannot really be put into words sometimes hurts the most. 

Here are some examples of what it can look and feel like when a relationship is not good for you:

- You feel controlled.
- Your partner interferes with who you meet.
- You don't feel free to say what you want.
- Your partner jokes at your expense.
- You are not allowed to manage your money yourself.
- Your partner has sex with you in a way you don't want.
- Your partner demands sex
- Your partner pressures you to send nude pictures
- Your partner threatens you if you say no

If you are subjected to violence and control, it is common to feel that you are not worthy of better, or that you are the problem. It is common to blame yourself. But it's never your own fault that you are mistreated, remember that!

Tell someone

If you are with someone who makes you feel bad, tell someone you trust. You shouldn't have to feel that way.

It can be hard and difficult to tell someone. For example, you may feel a lot of guilt and shame. You may also be afraid of what will happen if you tell. But it's never your fault if someone threatens or uses violence against you. You have the right to feel good and help is available! 

Many girls tell us that they think that's how a relationship should be, that it means your guy loves you, but remember that's not the case. Love and violence never go together.

You can always talk to us at Tjejjouren West, we listen and are on your side!